Imagine an empty hospital.
Doctors and nurses wander the halls, looking everywhere for patients. They shuffle their feet, twiddle their thumbs. I dunno... Throw playing cards one at a time into an overturned hat?
Then one Doctor has a brilliant idea.
Let's run out into the masses, open fire on them, ya know, with guns. That way we will literally fill up our hospital in minutes.
That's kind of what happens in many super-fundamentalist Pentecostal and Evangelical churches this time of year.
"Let's go out and create the kinds of issues that will get people to come in our doors."
They bear many different names, Hayride to Hell, Hike into Hell, The Lake of Fire Hay Maze, or "Look What Happens to you, you non-Jesus Loser"
This phenomenon has even become formulaic over the years.
1. Scene with some teens dying. You know, Johnny was a smoker, Billy was a gay with AIDS, Jimmy got shot up in a drug deal. (This is where you utilize your theatre kids, Youth Ministers)
2. We see the souls of the kiddos whisked away to some form of judgement scene. Use lots of Gold spray paint, and a really sweet voice modulator for your God character. After all, he's so angry! Roar Kids!
3. The kids are found guilty, and then taken to hell. Usually dark, screams, plenty of smoke, and more often than not, strobe lights... Hell has strobe lights?
4. Finally, your hay cart leaves hell, and takes you to a last scene, where a white robed, blue sash Jesus actor literally gets in your face, (occasionally only inches away) and scares you into "accepting Jesus". Some guy says a prayer over the tour group.
Hey look! The final scene was nicely placed right next to the parking lot.
Excuse the crass spewing from my fingers. It's hard to disguise my true hatred of these events.
In a few short, concise ideas, I'll try to encapsulate the major forces working directly against Christianity at these events.
SPECULATIVE NATURE: We have to keep all theology within the realm of what's revealed to us mortals. When it comes to "end of days" stuff basically 99% of it is hidden from us. On purpose. What goes on at these events is taking huge leaps and filling in huge blanks that we're supposed to not be thinking, or indeed, worried about right now. These events literally add to the gospel, (they talk about not doing that in Revelation actually ) and give non-believers the false idea that "this is what we KNOW will go down"
CONVERSION CENTERED DRAMA: The goal here, with these churches, is conversion of mass groups all at once as they pass through this spectacle. These poor kids walk away with the church investing nothing in them or in discipleship. The pastors fist pump at the number of kids "saved" at their event, and then forget about them. They went through and got their card punched. Conversion without discipleship is buying the gym membership and never going. It's worthless, you wasted time and money, and you probably smell a little weirder.
SALVATION SCARE TACTICS: I'm assuming you know this one is literally insane already. It may occasionally help with the conversion of someone prone to fear, but once we disciple them, and they get deep into the ideas of grace, they'll soon realize "hey, you kind of cheated to get me here."
I know the counter argument too, "What if one person is saved from all the thousand "Hell Nights" around the country? I'd wager if one was saved, there's a dozen who will hate, reject, and cry out against churches because of events like these.
These events are built for "first timers" and are a terrible, false, and sinister introduction to the story.
But, I do so love autumn events...
What about a giant bonfire, bigger than you've ever seen, as in, the church had to get permits to build it. A newcomer walks up, "Wow, is that what hell is supposed to look like?"
"No. that's what his love looks like."
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